WHEN YOUR PARTNER REFUSES TO CHANGE!

It can be frustrating to live with a stubborn spouse who does not listen to simple correction! I've heard the lament of countless, frustrated, unhappy husbands: "my wife doesn't listen to me..." Many women have wept bitterly while narrating their ordeal: "he won't just listen to me. I am dying on the inside..." one woman narrated how she lost her husband to the cold hands of death. "I advised him not to be too close to my family because they are dangerous, now, he is dead!" Phew! Too late!

How do you handle a stubborn spouse? How do you correct your erring fiancee? How can you make your spouse listen to you and stop walking on the path of destruction?

1. UNDERSTAND THEIR BACKGROUND: Our background makes us who we are today. It is not easy changing a habit that has grown up with you. It takes time, efforts, patience and endurance. It is not easy letting go of an old habit and acquiring a new one. When you understand the struggles your spouse have to go through before they can change, it will help you have compassion for them, exercise patience and give unconditional love while encouraging them to change.

I grew up watching Bollywood movies. Hubby hates Bollywood with passion. It took lots of pain and some years to overcome that addiction but I eventually did. I wore mini-skirts  a lot as a single lady. I have great legs and also walk very fast. Short skirts made me feel smart, fabulous and self confident. Hubby coudn't bear seeing my thigh exposed in public. He expected that place to be well covered as a married woman, it wasn't easy giving up those skirts but I eventually did. Now I hate Bollywood movies and short skirts as he does. His patience, endurance and unconditional love during those periods helped me love him the more.

2. CHANGE YOUR APPROACH: If you have been correcting them out of agitation, you might need a softer, yet firm approach. The time you talk to them also matters. If he is happier and more relaxed after watching a nice football match, you might need to wait till that time before talking to him. If she is more receptive in the evening or early in the morning. You might for that time to talk to her.

3. PRAISE-CORRECT-PRAISE: Don't attack your spouse! Don't start with "What is wrong with you?", "Why are you so stubborn?", "You never listen to me!", "That is how you always do..." those are attacks. Rather, start your conversation by appreciating their good qualities, this makes them listen to you. We all like to give our attention to people who praises us. Then lovingly correct your spouse and afterward thank them for listening to you. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath." Your approach determines their response.

4. RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND: If you are rude to him, speak to him harshly and always treat him like an errand boy, he won't listen to you whenever you correct him.

5. SHOW YOUR WIFE AFFECTION: If you always abuse your wife, embarrass her in public, slap, hit or beat her. Never care about her and the kids, she will find it difficult listening to you when you correct her. Husbands are commanded to love their wives like Christ loves the church -unconditionally.

6. CHANGE FIRST: Jesus says before you remove the speck in someone's eyes, remove the log in yours! You have no right to expect your spouse to change if you too are stubborn, proud, arrogant and will not take simple correction.

Every time we ask our spouse to change, we also need to change an attitude that is causing their behaviour. When we change, they too will change.

If you want him to stop the affair, show love, respect, honour, affection and give regular sex. If you want her to respect and honour you, give love, affection, tenderness and forgiveness.

Women find it very easy to yield to and honour men who  show them love and compassion. They literally bow at their feet!

7. PRAY FOR THEM: I used to heady, stubborn, proud, abusive and outright rude to my husband. His constant prayer for me broke that stony heart. Some of my husband's weaknesses that used to drive me crazy are no where to be found today, prayer drove them out of his life.

God lamented in Isaiah 43:22, "But thou hast not called upon me O Jacob, thou has been weary of me O Isreal."  God wants us to call on Him when we are at our ropes end. He wants to help us when we have done all our possible best and nothing is changing. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and seek my face, then will I hear from heaven and heal their land." God asks us to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another.

Prayer surely works! It brings God into the situation, helps you arrest your spouse's attention, pricks their conscience, knock on their hearts, gives them no peace and rest till they stop that vice and surrender their lives completely to Christ.

Will you stop nagging and start praying for your spouse today? Please do and you will be glad you did. Let me stop here because of time.

Thanks for reading, God bless you, cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2017.